Core Idea
- Success blinds you: 80-85% of high achievers overestimate themselves; past wins become future obstacles
- One behavior change beats self-awareness: Most people know their problems but don't fix them without external accountability and follow-up
- Change is possible at any level: Even senior leaders can improve, but only if they stop defending past success and pick ONE specific behavior to fix
The 20 Habits Blocking Your Advancement
Stop: winning too much, adding excessive value, passing judgment, destructive comments, saying "no/but/however", claiming unearned credit, not listening, withholding recognition, refusing to apologize, speaking when angry, withholding information, playing favorites, punishing messengers, passing the buck, excessive need to be "me", obsessive goal pursuit at others' expense
The 7-Step Change Process
- Get feedback — Solicit 360-degree input from 8-15+ people; prime them with "four commitments" (release the past, tell truth, be supportive, improve yourself too)
- Apologize — Say "I'm sorry. I'll try to do better." Stop. Don't over-explain.
- Advertise — Tell everyone you're changing; ask "How am I doing?" monthly
- Listen — Ask intelligent questions before responding; think before you speak
- Thank — Say "thank you" to every suggestion without judgment or agreement
- Follow up — Check in monthly for 12-18 months; 70% of people fail without relentless follow-up
- Feedforward — Ask "What two ideas would help me improve [specific behavior]?" (future-focused, not past-focused)
Leader-Specific Tactics
- Write a "How to Handle Me" memo: Brutally honest self-assessment of quirks, triggers, and management style for your team
- Close your door after 5:45 PM: Stop creating staff over-dependence; ask "Where do you need me MORE vs. LESS involved?"
- Stop managing clones of yourself: Ask what motivates each person, don't assume your preferences work for everyone
- Don't argue as the boss: Ask questions instead (you have unfair advantage; you always "win")
- Stop coaching the uncoachable: Focus energy on people who want to improve; don't waste time on those who see no problem
Critical Success Rules
- Pick ONE behavior to fix, not the one you prefer—choose the one 40%+ of colleagues mention
- Measure everything: Track days, count interactions, monetize incentives
- Assume understanding does not equal action: Follow up relentlessly on memos and messages; repeat multiple times
- Stop waiting for the right time: Change now or it won't happen
- Recognize four employee prejudices: You don't know what motivates them, what they know, why they prioritize themselves, or how easily you can replace them
Action Plan
- Request 360-degree feedback from 8-15 colleagues using the "four commitments" framework
- Identify the ONE behavior 40%+ mention; apologize genuinely to those who gave feedback
- Advertise your change plan; commit to monthly check-ins for 12-18 months
- If leading others: Write your "How to Handle Me" memo and ask "Where do you need me more/less involved?"
- Schedule feedforward conversations quarterly asking "What two ideas would help me improve [specific behavior]?"